We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark
The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light
Go on. Turn on the light











orgasm:

ALL WATER DOES NOT TASTE THE SAME


  • Me at 10 PM: fuck man i'm so tired
  • Me at 4 AM: i must WRITE A NOVEL



maxtaroisheretoo:

Times are changing…



idontneedsavin:

yall make gifs from live tv faster than i can get off my couch



primacdonaldsgirl:

"um yeah you’ve told us that before"

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unskinny:

Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy eating.

Stop apologizing for the things you enjoy wearing.

Stop apologizing for how you prefer to spend your day.

Stop apologizing for the things that make you happy.



officialworst:

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

dump her

ask the waitress out

officialworst:

sneakyfeets:

andrewthepoet:

One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 

The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.

Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.

The End.

dump her

ask the waitress out



tom-spanks:

remember when u were like 11 and the only thing u wanted was a lava lamp



megablaziken:

this cat looks like some sort of disney villain


wailtothethief:

Fuck I’m walking downtown and I pass a group of guys staring at me and I think “great catcall time” but then one guy goes “you look like you could kill a man a million different ways with just your bare hands”. This. This is an acceptable comment to give a girl on the street.



caseyanthonyofficial:

When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage

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